sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
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Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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