so explain again why im purple
no
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
