The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
