yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
