Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
