im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
