I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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