That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
