Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize