You made me cry and you don't even care
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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