Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
