That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
