My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
