Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
