Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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