I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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