a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
from now on my penis is your penis
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
