toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I died a long time ago.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
