Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
