there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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