Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
