I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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