i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
