I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
