so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
