Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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