Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just gargled with NyQuil
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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