I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
