Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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