We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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