Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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