whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
do herpes really smell.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
