Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
