I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
