I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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