sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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