everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
