How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
