I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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