Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
