I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
