Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
