I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
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Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize