No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
