We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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