He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
