Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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