just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
