My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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