Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
