I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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