Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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