I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Green mimosas i think yes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
