she was so not down for the gang bang
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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