My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
