You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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