8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
