i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?