Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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