Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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