if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
