I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
there is glitter all over my balls
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