and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
